You know when you’re really enjoying a class you’re taking, you’re learning a lot, and maybe even thinking, “I could really see myself applying this to my life someday!” And then all of a sudden, that teacher that you’re really getting along with throws a mid-term in your face. You’re probably thinking, “What the heck, I thought this was a cool class. I thought this teacher was supposed to be cool.” Maybe, if you’re really bold, you’ll make a comment to your teacher buddy asking why he would give you a test. Like, does he know who he’s dealing with? Hello!
I feel like I’ve been in some kind of weird summer school for the past few weeks, learning all of this awesome stuff about God. And I’ve really been enjoying myself, too. I’ve learned so much about myself and about His grace and glory. And then this week was “test week.” All of a sudden, my life isn’t easy anymore. “What the heck, I thought we were friends? What’s with the hard week, God? I thought you were cool.”
The traumatic weekend began with a wreck on Father’s Day. No one was injured and my sister’s car wasn’t too messed up. There was bad damage done to the car she hit though, and a dent in my dad’s wallet is coming in the near future. How about a slice of debt with that plate of jacked up insurance?
I finally got a call back from an application I sent out. They wanted to interview with me on Monday afternoon! I secured a work cover and was ready to woo the boss. He wouldn’t be able to say no to my perfect portfolio and flawless resume. Then, Sunday night, my work cover cancelled. I call the interviewer and ask to reschedule. He reluctantly agrees to do Tuesday, if I can get another cover for my work shift. Of course, no one can help. I am forced to email my potential “big girl” job and cancel my interview altogether. All I can do now is picture myself, thirty years from now, handing out plates of fried catfish to my loyal customers.
Let me explain how I experienced God through all of this.
After talking to thousands of firemen and policemen, I notice that my dad is not happy at all and my sister is having a panic attack. What do I do? I pray. Facedown on the car, I pray that God will show up. That he will give my dad some kind of peace, that He will make this situation just a little bit better, for my dad’s sake. The policeman calls my dad over right when I pick my head up to let him know that my sister will only be getting an $80 ticket. Instant peace.
I spent much of my Monday afternoon/night in constant conversation with God. I wanted to come to terms with the fact that this potential job interview was not going to determine my future success. I was begging God to teach me that my hope was in an eternity with Him, not a job relating to my major. I was begging for a peaceful heart that focused on God (Isaiah 26:3). He gave me that, and then some. I woke up Tuesday morning with a heart focused on the Lord and an email asking if I could come in on Wednesday morning for an interview. I secured a work cover with no problem and was able to make it to my interview, which went really well!
All of this to say…I should have taken my own advice about prayer a long time ago. God really does provide for His children; all we have to do is ask. I wanted peace. I have been fighting to keep my mind on God and His promises for me, and He keeps pulling through. I might not get that job I interviewed for. But that’s okay, too. I know that God is my provider and that if I don’t get this job, He’s just painting a bigger picture for my future…one that I can’t wait to see.
I was also reminded that God loves me even though I’m completely filthy. There is nothing good in me, but He still wants to provide for me. I am still a sinful person, but God isn’t punishing me for that; instead, he’s giving me everything I could ever need.
He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. [Psalm 103:10-12]
Jesus died for me. He took the punishment for my sinfulness. All that’s left for me is love. Love from a father who wants to take care of me. All He wants is for me to ask.